Stephs in Kentucky!

Resolutions Revisted

Yesterday, when I walked into my classroom, for whatever reason my New Years Resolutions post came to my mind. After a less than stellar couple days this week, the timing to think about those resolutions could not have been more important, especially these two:

“Start every day with a clean slate. Tomorrow is a new day, use every experience to better yourself, but don’t let one bad day become a bad week/ month / trimester/ year. “

“Find one good thing about everyday. Even the worst days something good has happened. “

With those resolutions in mind, I was able to refocus my day and my attitude (that was admittedly pretty sour when I first got here). 

I’m realizing now (and not for the first time certainly) the power my attitude and mental framing really can have on a day. Once I thought about my resolutions, I took a deep breath, told myself today was a new day, and was able to reshape the trajectory of my entire day.

The moral of this: kids will always be kids, do not hold their actions of one day against them. Start each day (or heck, even period) with a fresh perspective, and no judgements, and the kids will always surprise you. The one who was ornery, resentful, and complacent one day will often be the one who is excited, eager, and invested the next, you just need to give them that chance.

Roulette.

Maybe its because the end of the year feels close, but I’ve found my kids asking the same question with more frequency lately: “are you going to be here next year?” 

This is both heart breaking and sweet. I, obviously, respond with “yes of course!” to which my kids breath a sigh of relief and express a sentiment of excitement. Its sweet that they want me to be here, and that they enjoy my class. It also makes me sad, though. They have gone through a different Spanish teacher every year for as long as any of them have taken Spanish, and they have come to expect that inconsistency. That is not fair to them, and the inconsistancy has dramatically impacted their knowledge of Spanish. I hope that when I do leave Barbourville, whenever that is, everything is set up in a way that these kids get the Spanish education that they need and deserve. 

In other news, so much silliness in my classroom lately. I’m finally figuring out how to balance laughter and fun, with productive and learning, so those things can exist together (and they can, I know they can, its just hard to make it happen sometimes). It has the potential to really push my classroom into the place I know it can go. 

Heres to 9ish weeks of hard work and lots of learning. I really do have one of the best jobs with the best kids I could ever ask for.

1/3

With the start of 3rd trimester, Wednesday, comes the official mark of me being 1/3 done with my Teach for America commitment. Holy S***. How did this happen? Where has the time gone? I both feel like I’ve been here forever, and not at all. There are so many things I want to do that I haven’t even come close to having the time to do… In theory, in a little over a year, I will be leaving this place. I don’t think I’ll be ready, I don’t think I’ll be able to leave my kids, my town, these mountains. 

33% done. What will I do with the remaining 66%? 

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Pride.

Today while working with a struggling student, half-way through translating a full page all spanish story, I looked at him and said “if I told you 2 weeks ago you would be able to do this right now would you have believed me?” and with a sheepish grin of pure pride and satisfaction he responded “if you told me yesterday I wouldn’t have.” That is why I am here, that is why I teach, that is why I am at Starbucks lesson planning right now instead of watching American Idol. I will never forget the smiles and eye twinkles that come when a kid really starts to understand something and have pride in themselves. 

2012 Goals

I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, I think it is a term destined for failure. Anyone who knows me, knows that when I set a goal it is something I take seriously, though.

So, without further ado, my goals for 2012:

• Start making pictures again. Stop worrying about the what/how/why and just do it. Make at least 1 picture everyday, even if it is cell phone/fuji instant, just start shooting. Everything will fall into place.
• Be organized. Follow through with your word. It doesn’t matter how large or small of a commitment, if you say you will do something, do it.
• Stay in touch with friends in other places. Yes, strong relationships can overcome time and distance, but that doesn’t mean there has to be so much time and so much distance. 
• Make time for the people who matter, don’t worry about the ones that don’t.
• Forgive. Everyone makes mistakes, forgiving does not mean forgetting, but anger and resentment are not productive emotions. Forgive and move on.
• Appreciate everyone and everything. Its easy to get caught up on the negative things, but everyone has something positive to bring to the situation, recognize and appreciate that. 
• Don’t sweat the small things. Everything will work out, it always does, let the mistakes roll of your back.
• Make healthy life decisions. Go for walks, breath fresh air. Sleep. Allow yourself to turn your brain off and just enjoy things for a little while. Eat things that make your body happy. Exercise. Rest when you’re sick, play when you’re not. 
• Find one good thing about everyday. Even the worst days something good has happened. 
• Communicate. It doesn’t do anyone any good to just swallow your feelings. Tell people how you feel, it will only strengthen your relationships. Tell the people you love that you love them, tell them how much you appreciate their support, its nice to be reminded how much someone values you, and its not always as obvious as you think.
• Accept the past. What’s done is done, you can not change what has happened you can only change how it will push you to grow and be a better person. 
• Start every day with a clean slate. Tomorrow is a new day, use every experience to better yourself, but don’t let one bad day become a bad week/ month / trimester/ year. 
• Never stop being thankful. You are incredibly lucky to love and be loved by so many incredible people. You are incredibly lucky to be living in such a beautiful place, working a job that you love. Never forget that. Never forget the people that have brought you to this point,

Reflecting on the past year

As the year is nearing its end, I keep finding myself thinking about this time last year…  1 year ago I was stressing about Manifest, making perfectly color corrected prints, hand binding books, buying film, traveling the country taking pictures of the rugby team, and pretending the idea of graduating college and the uncertainty that that holds was not terrifying me. I was running a student organization, walking dogs for the local shelters, fostering kittens, babysitting a lot, tutoring at a hispanic school on the West Side of Chicago, and trying to hold on to any remnant of sanity that still existed…

Since then I have: been accepted into a program touted as accepting the  “best and the brightest” (does that mean I am “the best and the brightest”? I don’t think so, which is why this still seems so strange and surreal to me), lived in countless hotel rooms with countless roommates, taught 2^nd grade in the Mississippi Delta, learned to wobble, moved to Kentucky with no place to live and no guarantee of a job, showed photos in China, started teaching 100+ 7-12 graders Spanish, befriended the local sandwich shop owner, ate too many cupcakes, went to a Kentucky horse race, laughed a lot, worked a lot, drank a lot, caused a ruckus up and down Eastern Kentucky (and Lexington and Nashville.), and met some of the best people I have ever known.

So what does all of this mean? It means that my life is different, a million times different than I ever could have imagined or pictured it to be. It still doesn’t feel real. I still struggle to think of myself as an adult, let alone a teacher. The thought that kids look up to me, that my every word and action can potentially influence a kids’ life is terrifying, it is also incredible. I get to wake up every morning surrounded by mountains, greeted by a group of students that are thoughtful, curious, silly, and stubborn. A group of kids who deserve the best, and I hope so badly that I can give that to them. Even on the worst days, the days where my students frustrate me, I frustrate myself, and I feel as though I want to give up, I still have the best job in the world, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Looking back, I am thankful for every experience, positive and negative, in my life that has gotten me here. So… Here’s to another year. A year of laughter, hard  work, and change. A year full of friends (both old and new), growth, and happiness. 

I can only hope the next year brings as much greatness as this past year has. So much love to so many people, you know who you are.